91 Things to Ponder

1.      Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

2.      Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

3.      Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?

4.      Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

5.      How do a fool and his money GET together?

6.      How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?

7.      How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

8.      If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?

9.      If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

10.  If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

11.  If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

12.  If you throw a cat out the car window, does it become kitty litter?

13.  What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

14.  What was the best thing before sliced bread?

15.  Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

16.  Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

17.  Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

18.  If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

19.  What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

20.  If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

21.  What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22.  If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

23.  What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

24.  After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

25.  In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

26.  Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?

27.  How come there aren't B batteries?

28.  If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?

29.  How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?

30.  Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

31.  Is a metaphor like a simile?

32.  Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

33.  How do I set my laser printer on stun?

34.  How is it possible to have a civil war?

35.  If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

36.  If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

37.  If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

38.  If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

39.  Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

40.  If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

41.  Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

42.  Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

43.  Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

44.  How can there be self-help "groups"?

45.  How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

46.  How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?

47.  How do you throw away a garbage can?

48.  How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

49.  How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

50.  Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

51.  If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

52.  If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers?

53.  If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

54.  Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

55.  When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

56.  Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

57.  Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

58.  Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

59.  Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

60.  Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

61.  How do you remove a club soda stain?

62.  What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?

63.  Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

64.  Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

65.  Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

66.  If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

67.  Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

68.  If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

69.  Why does bottles lemon juice contain mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

70.  How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

71.  Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

72.  Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

73.  Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

74.  Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

75.  Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

76.  Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

77.  What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

78.  Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

79.  Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

80.  Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

81.  Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

82.  I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

83.  If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

84.  Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

85.  Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

86.  War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

87.  If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

88.  Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

89.  Why are they called stairs when inside the building, but steps outside?

90.  Why is there a light in the fridge and not the freezer?

91.  Why do toaster always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

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