When
using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the
campsites on either side vacant.
Get even with a bear that raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
When smoking a fish, never inhale.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but as the cheese cools, it will stick between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.
Steer clear of parks named for landfills.
A camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag invented acupuncture.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that "sneeze", "cough" and "belch" however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from your navel before applying the match.
You'll never be lost if you remember that moss grows on the north side of your compass.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a garbage bag with several geese.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping: Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish.
A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
Check
the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy
only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.